Friday, December 30, 2011

What do women want?

Note 1: I am but a mere speck in the Universe, a no-one in the Grand scheme of things. So, let me at the outset declare, that I am in no way capable of answering the posed question. I will still try to answer it, just like I try to dance (at a disc) when I am incapable of dancing.

Note 2: Girls reading this (if any), take this with a pinch of salt. I am not a total ass, I have written some 'aww-ish' posts earlier, like 'I See You', and 'Memory/Memories'. :)

Well, well. Now that all the disclaimers are in place, I might as well get down to some ass kicking and kicking ass! :D I have been thinking about this question since quite some time now. So, like most of the people of our generation, who turn to Google if they want answers, I tried to search  for it too. On Google. And I am sure none of you would be surprised when I tell you that no sooner had I typed "what do " in the search box, there, Google popped me a suggestion - "what do women want?". Imagine the relief I got! It is heartening to know that I am not the only one clueless, the entire world is! And when I completed the search query, I got 99.1 million search results! Ninety-nine point one freakin' million results! Whoa! :D

I am sure it must be all the losers doing all that writing. You know, like the great Socrates said, "By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher." Ha! And judging by the fact that Socrates became a philosopher, now we all know how he fared. (And similar logic will lead you to judge me as well. Like I care.)

So, I began my quest for answering this apparently un-answerable question by tackling another, easier question first. Something I can relate to, and I am acquainted with. That question is, "What do men want?". I did research, and conducted surveys. I present to you the results of the second survey I did below, in the form of a pie-chart:

Now, keen readers would have noticed that above are the results from the second survey, and not the first survey that I did. That has been done because, otherwise, my tabulated results would have looked like this:

So, I had to strike this option out for the second survey to get some meaningful answers. (Yeah, since when has our generation considered sex "meaningful" anyway.) Anyway, the fact of the matter is, if you look at either of the charts above, you will notice, that men are pretty clear about what they want, and the objects or things of their desire are quantifiable and can be expressed mathematically.

Women, on the other hand, are made of sterner stuff. Only a fool attempts to quantify their desires and tries to express it in simple mathematical terms. With whatever little experience and understanding I have, I have come up with the following (single-line) explanation of what women want:

"Women want men to understand what they want without their telling it to them."

Friends, don't let this seemingly straight-forward sentence confuse you. It is the most devious plan designed to always make you fail. To understand it, you have to first understand where does this come from. This stems from the women-folk's inability to discover and know what they really want. So this, in effect, outsources the thinking to the men-folk. Men-folk, who were truly happy playing their video games and watching movies, are now forced to think for the women to win her, and themselves becoming unhappy over a due course of time at their repeated failures. And try and picture this from a girl's point of view. Someone, who had no clue of what she wanted (and is aware of the results of the first survey that I did!), now has several men doing the thinking for her, and creative, and ingenious thinking at that! Plus, she also gets to throw tantrums, make a face, and say, "No, this is not what I really want.", and then move on to the second and the third option. Until, she comes across something that is seemingly awesome, and then she can glee-fully go, "Yes! This is exactly what I want! :) ". Sheer genius, ain't it?

Feel free to leave comments, or you can contact me directly to send me hate-mails, about any and everything, including:

What do women want?!!!


  1. i liked the socrates part ...nice work man :)

  2. hmmm so i guess i am the first women to leave a comment on this post of yours.What do women want? is indeed an intriguing question and so are women,else so many men would not have discussed about this, and my dear brother may have also not tried to answer into this question.:P
    Enjoyed reading through the post(in fact this is the first time I have read your blog), the first impression has been with a pinch of salt, nevertheless will keep tuning in nad would look forward to your other works. :D

  3. "Women want men to understand what they want without their telling it to them." - Masterpiece

  4. You are such a dork! :p stop blogging and find yourself a woman, before mummy dearest plants one on your lap.

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