Monday, August 31, 2009

The Great Indian Lust


Note 1: Blog Post rating - PG-16 - Parents Strongly Cautioned - Some material may be inappropriate for children under 16.

Note 2: Please "fuck" the "fish", and "hex" the "sex" to make a little more sense of this post.

Welcome to the land that gave the world kamasutra! One of the most hexually deprived, and one of the most hexually conservative societies of the modern times - a land known as India.

Pre-marital hex is a taboo, and virginity is a virtue. Who cares? Welcome to the modern society, where people fish all the time. Not really a big deal. Some out of curiosity, some because they fall in "love", some because its cool, and some for no apparent reason at all. I am not taking sides here, as to what is right or what is wrong. This is just the state of affairs. Fishing is really "in" these days. :D People always interested in knowing who fished whom after the party yesterday night. Awesome! India comes of age?

There is a flip-side to all this. Fishing is not THAT "in" as it seems to be from the outside. Dig a little deeper, and a different story emerges. Unlike in the US (from where India seems to be learning "culture"), where people fish even when they are not in "love". Fishing, in this case, is just a part of the relationship, which might develop into "love". Often, people fish all the time, and if one of them confesses "love"..."Whoa! This is going a bit too fast!" Compare this picture to India, where a guy would say "I love you" to his beloved a thousand times a day, in the hope he gets an opportunity to fish. :O

Some poor people here never even get an opportunity to create an opportunity for themselves. :D For them, marriage becomes a mockery. Marry someone handpicked to suit you, and get a license for unlimited free hex. Of course, that is not the case with everyone. :P

A major reason for people wanting to go abroad, at least once, is the "open" society there. With lusty eyes they go, with satisfied faces they come back. Amsterdam seems to be the mecca of all places. Got some bucks? Spend it well on a nice, big, juicy and satisfying fish.

Go to the movies. Indian movies have seemingly matured from dancing around trees, and sitting behind bushes, to on-screen smooches, and "steamy" scenes. Matured, but not enough, so much that an Indian movie depicting "live-in" relationships has to be set in Australia (Salaam Namaste), and a movie depicting "gays" have to be set in the US of A (Dostana), just so that audiences can easily digest it. So much for progress. It is a pity that "hypocrisy" is not one of the deadly sins, else I would have easily dedicated a post to it called "The Great Indian Hypocrisy".

And finally, not to forget our lustful media, always waiting for an opportunity to pounce upon scandals. Some unknown actress gave 11 kissing scenes, or gave 4 "bold" scenes, or wore a bikini, nip-slip, or got an mms of her fishing? Make her a superstar. So much for being a "conservative" society.

The Great Indian Lust...

Friday, August 28, 2009

The Great Indian Wrath

"Kuch kar guzarne ko, khoon chala, khoon chala." Lyrics from Rang de Basanti, a movie which used the silver screen as a canvas to paint The Great Indian Wrath. Somehow, no other Indian movie has had so much impact on the Indian youth in the recent years as Rang de Basanti. We all could identify ourselves with DJ, Karan, Sukhi, Aslam and Laxman.

Angry young men we are, young men, angry at something or the other. Angry at not being able to get into a "good course" at a "good college" (reservations?), angry for not being able to get a job we wanted or liked, angry because we had to go away (abroad?) to do justice to ourselves, angry with the netas, angry with the corruption, angry because of unequality in a free land, angry because of communalism in a secular country, angry because noone seems to cares, angry because we care, angry because we feel helpless, angry because of the "system". As Karan says towards the end of Rang de Banasnti, after shooting the minister, "Abhi bhi bahut gussa hai."

So much that we wait for something so happen, to show our wrath. To make a example out of an incident. Symbolic protests to show our wrath. On how many different occasions have there been a candle light march to the India Gate, to protest in a peaceful manner, and to show that we are all united? It is ironic that the people constituting the "peaceful" march are not at peace.

The Great Indian Wrath is waiting to be unleashed. It is only a matter of time now. Sooner or later, it has to explode. And once it does, it ll burn whatever crosses its path, and then the phoenix will rise from its ashes.

The Great Indian Wrath...

Saturday, August 22, 2009

The Great Indian Gluttony

Mayawati builds 130 elephants at a cost of Rs. 52 crores in Lucknow. There is a proverb in The Bible about Gluttony. Proverb 23:2 says, "And put a knife to thy throat, if thou be a man given to appetite." I am pretty sure that Sushri Mayawati has heard of this proverb, but I am even more confident that she took it literally. She thought, "Why do I care? I am a 'wo'man!" :D

India is a funny country. People have an infinite capacity to eat. Eat money. Khaao jitnaa khaa sakte ho! The appetite seems only to be increasing each time the sun rises.

What I wonder is what is the cause of such a huge appetite? Easy availability of Hajmola? :O The Hajmola, I think, is the huge mechanism in place to ensure easy digestion of whatever is "eaten". The mechanism is actually very simple. It consists of just ensuring that the channel through which the "food" comes is "well-fed". Naturally, someone has to go hungry, given that there is just limited food. Who goes hungry? The Aam Aadmi, which again is ironic, considering "Aam" is "Mango" in the lingua pura. :P

By now, either you are cursing me, for drawing such ridiculous parallels, or you are cursing me for such (pathetic?) jokes. (Yes I know, either way, you are cursing me.) Still, think about it, what is it that causes it, and what can be done to change it. I can understand if an illiterate man with a criminal background rises to be a minister and "eats". I can understand if a poorly paid clerk makes a few extra bucks to improve his lifestyle. But I fail to understand when educated people, who dont have anything less than a good lifestyle, want to have a share of the pie (american?). That pains me. Yes, well-educated, well-earning people. I agree, not all, but many. Bureaucracy, Judiciary, Civil Services, education, health care, and even media, all seem to be hungry even when their stomach is full.

The Great Indian Gluttony...

Friday, August 14, 2009

The Great Indian Greed

Can anyone please tell me the latest count of the number of IITs in India, because, seriously, I have stopped keeping count. 15 is it? I understand that the increase in the number of IITs, or for that matter, even the number of AIIMS, IIMs, and any other "brand" that India was able to create in its (glorious?) 62 years of Independence is because of "Greed". What I cannot understand is that whose greed is it? Greed of a nation? To capitalize on the very few "brands" that it was able to create for itself, and brand a more number of its citizens with that name? Or the greed of a select few at the top, to show us an oasis in this desert, and create (vote?) banks for themselves?

"Every Indian will be an IITian one day". :D True. At the current rate, seems very plausible. But only after the very word IITian has been ridiculed and mocked to such an extent that it would have no value at all.

What is the point of saying all this, when all this has already been said a thousand times? No point really. Vella baitha tha room pe, and had nothing much to do. I thought, lets make a (society-changing?) post. :P

But on the eve of the 62nd Independence Day of the Republic of India, lets sit back and think of what we have achieved, and how the common man of India is feeling deprived of being able to make and see the changes he wants in the society, in a country that is the world's largest democracy. I am not saying India does not need more quality institutions. But the new ones should not come at the cost of the existing ones.

The Great Indian Greed...

Saturday, August 08, 2009

The Great Indian Envy

Ask a young 14 year old, "What do you want to do?". "Engineering!", comes the prompt reply in 90 out of 100 cases. This is at an age when the kid is oblivious to the very question, "What is life?". "What is engineering?", you ask next, and you see an empty blank face.

Its not restricted to engineering. The trend seems to be changing, though the basic idea is the same. And the basic idea behind this, is trend (:P). You ask a 10th class student in Delhi, and invariably the answer would be "Economics (honors) from Delhi University". What is the problem in this, you ask? What is wrong in being focussed and determined, you say?

Nothing wrong, but then you should be clear about what your goal is in life. And at such a young age, how can you be so sure about what you want to study, when you are not sure what your goal in life is?

Does it sound plausible that every year 3 lakh Indian students want to study from IITs? Does it sound plausible that every year the 4000 students that get through JEE want to study computer science as their first option? Does it make sense that 4000 people sacrifice their passion (suppossedly computer science for the majority), and pursue any damn engineering degree they can for the tag? Is it believable that 4 lakh students every year want to study from an IIM. Ha! Whats wrong with everyone? :O

No wonder you find a majority of IITians taking up non-engineering jobs, some even unconventional ones like being a film director, or even a writer. Because these four years give you ample time for "self discovery", away from the maddening crowd.

To quote from Sunscreen, by Baz Luhrmann, "The most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives, some of the most interesting 40 year olds I know still don’t."

I would say that children get forced into believing what they want from life, only to later realise what they set out to do was never what they really wanted. And what drives this forcing? Envy?

"If his son can do it, so can mine." Nurture the kid into believing that he was meant for engineering, or medical sciences, or whatever. Whatever sounds cool. Whatever would give us a respectable place in the society. Whatever would earn big bucks.

I am not talking about those fraction of the people who enjoy the liberty of pursuing what they really believed in. But those majority, who are under the illusion of what they want in life.

Envy of a sibling, envy of a friend, envy of the topper of the class, envy of those who have more money, envy of those who are happier, fulfilling the envy of your parents, or even being the envy of others, envy comes in attractive gift-wrapped packages of several sizes.

Why cant we go backpacking around the world, into a journey of self-discovery? :)

The Great Indian Envy...

Wednesday, August 05, 2009

The Great Indian Sloth

Confined to the shackles of a prison known as IIT, I have been quite distant from the idiot box for quite sometime now. Each summer meant me catching up on whatever the trend was on the television (which also meant watching Kyon ki saas bhi kabhi bahu thi with my mom :P ). But this summer, something amazing happened. Something, which I was waiting for it to happen.

I happened to watch three shows (which incidentally garnered the highest TRPs). "Iss Jungle se mujhe bachao", "Sach ka saamna", and "Raakhi ka swayamvar". Now, what is amazing about these shows is, that these shows are a testimony to the fact that India is coming of age. If India can show a high GDP, produce billionaires, entrepreneurs, Oscar-winning artists, then India can also create such people, who can confess their darkest secrets in front of the entire country, people who make their own marriage a mockery, people fighting for "survival", and people who can watch all the load of crap that is given to them in the form of prime-time entertainment. I could never imagine a guy could admit to having 3 wives, a current girlfriend, an illegitimate child, and forcing an abortion on national television in India. Now that I see the signs of change, I am waiting (excited??) for the possibilities in the future. To what extent can we go, and be called freaks.

If India intends to be a superpower (by 2020?? :D ), this has to come tagged along with it. Its obvious. We say the average IQ of America is less, just wait a couple of years till you see the picture very soon at a place (store? theater? :P ) near you. I bet some of you have already started to notice the steady decline.

It pains me to see obese couples with their kids at KFCs, McDonalds', or Dominoes'. Where are we heading to? Is this the "modern" lifestyle? Eat crap, Watch crap, Talk Crap, and do nothing...

This article would not be complete without my mentioning the IIT Kgp junta. Yahaan bhi haalat bahut alag nahi hai :P . People sometimes don't realize that there is a big wide world out of their 14" monitors. So many things that cannot be understood by just staring at a screen. People can also talk in places other than the DC main chat,and Google Talk. All this when there are excellent opportunities on campus to pursue whatever we like, be it sports, soc cult, or tech. So much from the cream of the crop, so others cannot really be blamed.

The Great Indian Sloth...

Saturday, August 01, 2009

The Great Indian Pride

July, the month when some of our batch-mates return from their internships in some foreign land. They return with their heads held high, with a great sense of pride by having a "foreign return" stamp on their foreheads, which is really a great value addition for them, and more importantly, for their families. Ladkaa pardes ho ke aa gaya!

But they do not return alone. They have a bagful of goodies for their friends and family. I got a fair share of the goodies from several such bags, which led me to think, what is it that Indians value the most, in terms of material posessions.

I could think of only two terms to describe such things - "imported", and "export quality". Wierd isn't it? :D . There is little value for things available normally in India.

Some more thinking while sucking on a Malboro menthol from the US of A (which is awesome :P ) - imported cigarettes, awesome! Export quality cigarettes gifted by someone at ITC, awesome. While all you get to suck on in your daily lives is the 3rd rate Goldflake. Imported scotch and wine, awesome. Imported car, awesome. Export quality fruits, awesome!

This does not end here, it gets better. ;)

Imported women, awesome! Thats what got Barbara Mori in Kites all the eyeballs. Or thats what made Katrina Kaif the queen of bollywood, and the ruler of the hearts of Indian men. Export quality women? Do I need to explain all about Aishwarya Rai and Mallika Sherawat? ;)

The great Indian pride comes when they offer you something, the look on their faces when they say, "Try it, its imported."

Whats the point of this post, you ask? The point is, in our enchantment of foreign stuff, we fail to appreciate that which is not exported but is of global standards, available for us, right here in India. All you need is the right amount of bucks in your pockets. ;)

Where did this tendency originate, you ask? I ll have to say the glorious 90 years that the British ruled us. Those 90 years made us fans of that that is not Indian. Which explains why speaking English well is supposed to mean you are well educated. Which explains the value we give to imported stuff. Bechaare Gandhi, wore khaadi till the end of his life, while here we are, dying to have an Armani or a Versace on. :D :D

The Great Indian Pride...