Friday, February 15, 2013

most beautiful


I will say that you are the most beautiful girl in the world, and it will not be true.

In an absolute sense, that is. For one, to call you the most beautiful girl in the world, I would have to see (meet?) all the girls in this world. Not that I don't like this idea, but it would be an impossible thing to do. And that is not the only problem. I mean, you could easily dismiss it as me talking in hyperbole, not that you would have a problem with it, would you? And even otherwise, it could be dismissed as me being cheesy, albeit in a good way, cheesy still. Or, it could be challenged by anyone, no?


What songs, what words, sentences should I write?
She walks with unsaid words and unshed eyes;
A few steps behind me in the moonlight.
She knows, and that I know not, yet she shies.
Behind me, even the moonlight cries;
So her lips unseal, eyes weep, wrong made right.
She knows, and that I know not, yet she shies.
Doth mystery revealed make romance bright?
Her silence I hear and away I glide.
Romance be mystery, and mystery tries
the truth of my heart, healing from hurt pride.
The shadow remains still, the water dries...
Songs, words, sentences I could never write
A few steps behind me in the moonlight.


"I love you."

Heh, saying it even in front of the mirror is seeming so ridiculous, and I can only imagine how ridiculous it would be in front of her. Maybe I could put it differently.

"Jab se tumse milaa hoon, bas tumhaare hi khayaalo mai khoya rehta hoon. Tumhaare bina mera naa aar hai naa paar. Mai tumse aur sirf tumse pyaar kartaa hoon." Yeah, right. Bollywood would be such a perfect way to go. Damn you, Bollywood! Real cinema, please?

I have to get every expression, every gesture right. It has to be perfect. I will put on a smile first, give an elegant pause, look into her eyes, and just say it. If only I had some practice before! How, I know not, this mirror thing is surely not helping me.

I should also be prepared for everything that she could say. I have to play every scenario in my head, and have an appropriate response for her every response, so that I do not look like a fool after saying it. She could say "Huh?! What?!", and then maybe leave or something. I am a little scared of this scenario, I wouldn't know what to do or say. Well, I kind of know what to say.

I know that I have to tell her. She must know.

On an off-chance, she could also say, "I love you too." And that would make me the happiest person on this planet, not that it is going to happen. But if I am getting prepared for everything, I might as well do an exhaustive job.

We think that a number coming on a dice is a random event. It is not. It is a direct function of how a dice is thrown, and we could come up with a perfect model which could exactly predict the outcome on the dice. This, on the other hand, is a completely random event for me. For I have absolutely no control over it, nor am I in a position to predict the outcome. It has to be lived through to know.

I met her in the evening. She looked beautiful, like always. It is amazing how when I meet her even today, I still feel like how I felt when I met her for the first time. It is such an amazing feeling, something one would want to hold on to for life.

We ordered something to eat, while I was still trying to figure out the perfect time to pop the words. I was nervous. No matter how much prepared one is, when the time comes, it seems like an impossible thing to do. I decided to say it between the food and the dessert, that way, atleast the evening would surely end on a sweet note. And while I made this decision, a part of me hoped that the food never finishes.

Time passed quickly, as is always the case when I am with her, and we ordered dessert. I now had a small window within which I had to say it. How?! My heart was racing! I think I let my nervousness show, even. "I love you", I said. The world around me moved in slow motion, and it seemed like there she was, in front of me, in suspended animation.

Phew, here comes the dessert.


When I met you for the first time, I remember the electricity. You looked beautiful. Enchanting, really. I don't really remember the major parts from that evening, what we talked about etc. But I remember such minor details that I amaze myself. Details which would never matter otherwise. I remember the sounds of your laughter. I remember the heating up of my ears when I embarrassed myself because of something really stupid I said, and you giggled still. And how I kept on going about something so obvious and trivial, and you looked and smiled. And how you kept going about something so obvious and trivial, while your hands rolled a chocolate-wrapper, which we had had then and there, before finishing up the whole box. I remember how you said that you needed to leave in another 5 minutes, and then stayed on for half-n-hour. And then before leaving, gently added, "So when do I see you again?". I remember how the entire evening felt like 2 minutes. The minor things about that encounter were the major parts of the evening, really.

And then so many other times.

People say that love is nothing more than a bunch of chemical reactions in our head. But isn't it amazing, that this other person could cause such strong feelings? I mean, if we were to dismiss love like this, then we should also dismiss having good food, coffee, chocolates, life, us, because even those are just a set of chemical reactions.

I remember when we met one afternoon, and we were just walking along the street. It was just you between me and the setting sun. The sun-rays trickled through your hair, glistening. I couldn't look away. It seemed like nothing else in the world really mattered in that moment. And in that moment, in that one, single moment, you were the most beautiful girl in the world, in an absolute sense. And then several such times, again.

I'll tell you every day of my life, that you are the most beautiful girl in the world. And when I do, I do not mean right then. I would really mean the moment in which you really were, and I would mean that because I have seen you in those moments, and so many such moments we would have spent together in which you would have been.

I will say that you are the most beautiful girl in the world, and it will be true.